(retro)photo Friday #9: My porn star name.
I realize that it’s probably not a good idea to write a post with the word “porn” in the title. But when I see this picture of me (And my younger brother…That’s his arm holding up the turtle from below. I’ve cropped him out because he may not appreciate me posting pictures of him when he was younger, even though he was an adorable, tow-headed, pinch-his-cheeks cherub when he was six. And while I’m writing about my brothers, it should be noted that the genuine mesh-n-foam red star baseball cap belonged to my older brother. I’m quite frankly shocked by this evidence that I once dared to put this hat on my head because this hat was HIS STUFF and when he was 14 years old he would set booby traps all around his room because he was very, very protective of HIS STUFF.) holding up this box turtle, I can’t help but think of the porn star name game. You know, first pet and first street you lived on blahblah. This box turtle was the only pet I ever had. Okay, that’s not totally true. It was THE ONLY PET I EVER HAD THAT I DIDN’T HAVE TO FLUSH DOWN THE TOILET AFTER IT JUMPED OUT OF THE TANK TO MEET ITS AQUATIC MAKER. Yes, I had a suicidal fish before I got this box turtle, but I can’t remember the fish’s name so it doesn’t really count. And I lived in the same house on the same street for my entire childhood, which is why my porn star name is…
OXFORD BITTERN
…the unporniest name in the history of the meme. I always imagined Oxford Bittern as a British, pipe-smoking, snifter-of-brandy-drinking, tweed-jacket-wearing, octogenarian. Oxford Bittern is the kind of humorless gent who might host a poorly-rated program on PBS, not the Playboy Channel.
Tags: (retro)photo Friday
