April 18th, 1992
When did you realize that boys and girls have different private parts? I figured things out when I was four and watched my mom change my brother’s diaper. We were talking about this tonight at Le Chateau de Waff (The Waffle House) and Gibbs said that she thought that boys had Ken-doll smoothness until she was 10 and a sixth grader flashed his big-bad boyliness on the playground.
Todd (Toodles, Toonces–those are his MANLY nicknames) said that there was a kid in his class who was making fun of a fat girl by saying, “I bet even her DICK is fat.” Todd looked at him like, “Duuuuuuuuh. Girls don’t HAVE dicks. Stoooooooooopid.” Then the kid replied, “Oh yeah? Well how do they pee?” And Todd, ever the well-informed, sophisticated fourth-grader answered, “Duuuuuuuuh. They pee through their BUTTS. Stoooooooooopid.”
That killed me. It reminded me of the time in third grade when a fourth grader named Koretta tried telling me that the correct spelling of the word “butt” was B-U-T-T-E. I was like, there’s no “E” in “butt.” And she tried to impress me with her phonetics prowess by telling me that the letter E can be SILENT, you know, and you wouldn’t pronounce it “BUTT-IE” or anything. I just thought the whole argument was stoooooooooopid. To spell “butt” with an e on the end would make it like, French or something. It would make it a high class word. B-U-T-T-E. Duuuuuuuuh.
